I am suffering from depression. I realize some word I put across may caused my surrounding friend especially our love feel been hurt or been pressure.
I had dated tis professional bf. He is always busy with his career.
We had dated each other since 10 March 2012. He spend very little time with me. Every meet up i could said is quality and precious moment. In order not to spoilt the day. We will try not to said those unhappiness stuff.
I feel bad that I will always said “you are not spending time with me” “not going holiday with me” you treat me as a toy” “you don love me” feeling lonely ” “he is seeing someone” “or friend commented I m mistress” all sort of word what a normal girls will complain about.
Yesterday I was sitting alone in park. Started refreshing those past moment e.g how we met, Reading those messages he send me during the courtship., His crappy joke, the laughter moment and I start smiling myself.
When I went back home I hide myself in the room and start pouring my tear.
Decided to Whatsapp him and apologize for been emotional and not been a understanding girlfriend. Messaging him what had refreshed in the park. And thanks him for been around me during our crisis period.
I appreciated the his effort this year for been with me during my birthday, our first Christmas lunch spend our half day tour to Malacca and getting me involved with his business so I could have a better understanding of his workload.
And suddenly my phone rang, It was him. And I was surprised. I picked up the call while crying. So he asked, why am I crying. I do not know what to reply so I told him because I miss him a lot.
We had a conversation for an hour 15min. My bf start telling me about been professional and not to get personal feeling involve with business.
He explained why most of the time he choose to walk alone in the park and not asking me out with him for a walk. It’s because he feel that I has been discouraging him by saying negative word and he said I don’t understand him at all.
He think that getting me involved with his work will gain my understanding with his business schedule, his crisis and what he stressed on. Yet I fail so and added additional stress with my emotional.
He feel that I m snapping him to death. He don’t want a quarrelsome relationship. Reason because he has been very stressed up with work and lots of headaches awaiting for him to resolve. Yet his girlfriend don’t even understand him and keep complaining. He can’t handle stressful relation.
He said not he don’t wanna get marry. He want a understanding and mature partner then he will settle down for it,, And I m very fortunate that he involved me with his business.
Explaining why all his the previous relationship because they don’t understand what he want and keep complaining.
So I started to tell my bf on my worries. I m aging now 32 i m afraid reaching the age of 38 still been single or dating. And been hearing commend I m mistress or stupid to be with a guy who not spending his time with me.
He claim that I should be mature to differentiate but not get influence by what another people said. Especially those guy whom show interest in me. Of cos they will ask me to break off or find someone better. Those people commented are not standing in his position and thing he is facing.
He hope this fresh year, I will be thinking and reacting positively. And give him encouragement regardless on of anything.
After all I felt guilty for not been understanding. And created those stress to him. I am also trying very hard to reduce his stress by getting the right people into his organization.
Baby I am really sorry for that. And I don’t wanna lose you.
I will start to stay positive. And encouraging you.
You are part of my life for keeping me positive.